My Thinning Hair Story
*the first blog in a series as I take you on my journey of purchasing a Cesare Ragazzi hair system*
Hi. My name is Joy and I have a confession. I have fine thinning hair. By thinning, what I mean is, is I’ve seen 2 year olds with more hair than I have. Actually, sometimes I’m jealous of my border collie’s luscious locks. Yep.
Why confess? Because it’s something I feel embarrassed of, have denied, hidden, it affects my everyday life and is something I’ve tried to fix over the last 15 years. Sometimes I can laugh about it with friends but mostly it’s upsetting and it bums me out.
I am a very healthy, happy 36 year old. I am successful in my career, I travel, I enjoy life, I date and give me four shots of tequila and I drop it like it’s hot. Step off young bucks, mama’s in the house.
If you have thinning hair, fine hair or hair loss you know the triggers. You’re in a meeting or restaurant and you feel the bright lights reflecting off your shining scalp and you’re convinced everyone is staring. You’re at the gym and feel your hair stuck to your scalp, slicked back with sweat like a chic ballerina, but without the chic and without the ballerina…just a glistening head. You emerge from the pool and realize you have the hair thickness of a toddler swimming nearby and you hope no one notices. You spend hours trying to arrange your hair to hide the scalp you see peaking through your thinning hair as if it has a life of its own and is determined to be seen by the world.
It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating. It’s stressful. It’s disheartening and worrying about it is a waste of my youth. Yet, here I am.
While I have always had fine hair, it was of a medium density and while not great, it was manageable. Over the last 12 years it has thinned to the point where I can now see my scalp through my hair. What I didn’t know was that my birth control was making my hair fall out. After 12 years on an IUD and in a state of desperation (yet again googling hair loss help, hair loss repair, hiding thinning hair, etc.), I looked into hair loss from my birth control and found, wait for it, 20% of women experience hair loss from this popular IUD! I booked an appointment that day to have it removed. My pattern of hair loss was as described by hundreds of people. I felt cheated. I felt betrayed and I felt angry. How did my doctor not mention this and why did I never investigate it myself? My hair has not started growing back since it was removed 8 months ago.
When I hear friends complaining about “how thick my hair is”, or “how long it takes to dry” or “it grows so quick”…. I want to literally reach out and slap them for blubbering such nonsense. I mean, it’s like complaining you have too much money and are too beautiful. But alas, I sit there and smile and hope no one notices my hair as I nervously swig back my wine and be like “oh yeah, hate when that happens!”.
It’s the first thing I look at on other women. My best friend is self-conscious of her arms. I spend time obsessing about my lack of hair and she spends time trying to hide her arms. We admire in others what we feel we lack. When we feel insecure by what we lack, admiration can turn to envy. I have hair envy. No question, I admit it freely. At times I’m borderline obsessed, thinking about it constantly and at other times I just throw my hands in the air and think what’s the point? Both suck my energy, time and affect my self-esteem.
The irony is that honestly not many people are taking any notice of my hair. They are probably taking very little notice of your thinning hair. Most people are thinking about themselves and their own issues. When I complain to my girlfriends they look at my hair and say, “it’s fine, it looks ok, I don’t even notice”. BUT I notice. Sometimes, if I don’t keep myself in check, it can consume my thoughts and greatly affects my social life.
Not a day goes by where I don’t say to myself, “OMG that girls hair is ah-mazing, Oh the things I could do with that hair!”, “I wish I had hair like that” and my personal favorite “It’s just not fair, those women have no idea how lucky they are”. Now, I’m self-aware enough to know that I have many, many blessings in my life that I take for granted on a daily basis. I have great skin, I’m smart, I’m educated, I’m healthy, I have what my friends call “great knockers” and I have great friends and family. Yet here I am, struggling with hair loss and feeling a deep sadness and anxiety about it. Anyone who has hair loss knows how debilitating it is. It’s personal and it affects many areas of my life.
I have tried clip in extensions. My hair is too thin and the clips are visible. I have a halo couture. I can wear it sometimes if I spend an hour and half getting it to sit just right and I always wear it if I can get away with wearing a hat! I have tried a clip in topper. The clips broke my hair. Not good.
This leads me to tell you about Salon Juan. I found the salon through my never ending search for hair loss solutions, wigs and hair loss. Robin’s posts and stories were particularly inspiring to me. Over the last 12 months my hair has become more and more of a source of anxiety in my life, so in an attempt to take control of the situation, I booked and had a consultation with Juan at Salon Juan. So, how did it go…?
Stay tuned for the next installment of this series as I take you on my journey of purchasing a Cesare Ragazzi hair system.